For the time being, I am using this newsletter to document my exodus from the Meta social media platforms. I see this as the biggest move I can currently make to fight the grasp of capitalism in my personal life. I definitely hope to write about other community and capitalism-related topics in future months, but until I have completed this untangling process, it is what you will find detailed here.
I’m sitting on my back patio at dusk and it is quite the symphony of sounds out here! The insects are screeching and buzzing; the interstate (just a block or so over), putting off a loud, whoosh-y hum with the occasional engine roar; the HVAC unit of the business next door just shut off (i hardly noticed it until it halted); the neighbors two doors down are beating a rug on the chain link fence; and I just heard a helicopter fly over — likely en route to or from one of the three hospitals nearby. The sky is glowing, the trees are fading into shadows, and the chickens are fighting for prime real estate atop their coop (Yes, they sleep on top of the coop…silly hens!)
I can’t help but wonder as I tune in to the buzzing and the tiny breeze creeping up to cool my shoulders — how many nights have I missed this because I was collapsed on my bed, mindlessly scrolling? We built this absolutely lovely patio midway through the pandemic as an antidote to isolation, so we could visit with friends and family out here with very little risk. It is really a dream space, although we have managed to junk it up a little. We are sort of collectors of all the things. 😅
I can’t help but notice how much my phone takes away from moments like these. Even the moments I’m collapsed on my bed would be better without my phone (unless I am talking on it…i would make exception for that). My head might rest on the soft headboard or a pillow, rather than craning down at a screen or my shoulders might fall rather than keeping my phone elevated in front of my face. My eyes might rest after a day of working on a computer screen, to stare at a wall or a page, or maybe even my partner’s face. Have you ever noticed your body being overly-accommodating while you scroll? Suddenly I will catch the tension in my neck and try to shift to a less tense spot, without sacrificing the object that is causing it, of course.
What if I just ditched it and instead, went for — hear me out — full on REST. I think we owe this to our bodies and minds, but many of us rarely pay up. Have you ever taken your phone into a relaxing bath? I have! I seriously found myself getting “tech neck” in the fucking bath that I drew to help me relax! I have to leave it in another room, lest I find myself accidentally getting caught up in it. These are just a few examples of the ways I have thrown my life down the tech drain. What are we waiting for? What am I waiting for?
The other day I did a google search to find a smoking cessation app for my sister. She is having surgery soon and said she has to quit smoking in preparation. Instead, I found a method called Cognitive Behavioral Quitting (CBQ) and curiously read on. It consists of four steps:
Contemplation (thinking about quitting but not ready to quit) ...
Preparation (getting ready to quit) ...
Action (quitting) ...
Maintenance (remaining a non-smoker)
I almost laughed out loud. Not only are these familiar to me (I had to learn various stages of change theories in my public health masters program), but they directly reflect what I’m already doing. I was probably in the contemplation stage for a year or more before I hit stage 2, which I have been documenting in this newsletter. But the stunning part of stage 2, is summed up here:
The next step is to remove the fears that are stopping you from becoming a non-smoker. Then, you'll need to break your smoking habit by rewiring your smoking triggers. And, finally, you'll need to condition your new, smoke-free life so you can have a happy non-smoker life.1
Why is that stunning, you ask? Because I have already started working on removing the fears! It is so funny to me that I have been using a “theory of change” without even realizing it! And it relates to this thing I have been dying to share here, called the Deepest Fear Inventory. Sounds intriguing, right?! Here’s a snippet from the creator to explain it:
I love Deepest Fear Inventory because it helps to make unconscious fears, conscious - so they can be released. When our psyche is all mucked up with unconscious fears, we can't be fully present for our purpose or our loved ones.
I consider Deepest Fear Inventory to be a solve practice (from the Latin alchemical phrase "solve et coagula" which means "dissolve and recombine").
Solve practices help us to dissolve old patterns and liberate the energies stuck within them...
... so that we can then take that liberated energy and create something new and more wondrous with it.2
It is exactly what I need…to break this long-held pattern! Even though it is long, I’m going to put the whole instruction list here. Partly because I want you to see it, but also because I don’t want to divert you to another page. I want you to stay with me until the end (spoiler: I am going to share my own list with you!!!).
A preface: to complete this exercise, you pick the thing you really want, and that is the thing that you say you hate and resent. You will see what I mean.
To do Deepest Fear Inventory, you take a sheet of paper (and yes, it has to be paper and not a computer document because you'll need to rip it up later)...
... at the top of the sheet of paper you write,
"Dear God [or Universe, or Hecate, or Hermes - however you like to address divinity],
I hate and resent _________ [fill in the blank with something you think you really want]....
... because I have deep fear that I _____________ [fill in the blank]
... because I have deep fear that I ______________
... because I have deep fear that I _______________(write at least 20 deep fears, quick as you can)
At the bottom of the sheet of paper, write the following prayer:
"God, I ask that you remove these fears. I pray only for knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry it out. Amen."Next, find a trusted person to read your Deepest Fear Inventory aloud to. The person should just hear your Deepest Fear Inventory and say "thank you for your honesty" with no further discussion.
Then, you rip up your Deepest Fear Inventory sheet and say to your listener, "Thank you for listening," then you throw away your little shreds of paper.
No holding onto an inventory "to remember what my fears are" or any nonsense like that -- tear it up! Throw it away! It's a banishing spell!
My friend Stephanie introduced me to this practice, and we have been doing it with mediocre consistency for the past month or more. I LOVE it. I love the intimacy of it — admitting my fears to myself and another human, and hearing her shamelessly read her own. I love the ritual, the poetry, and the magic it holds for weakening my fears.
As promised, I want to share one of my lists here (I know, I’m not supposed to save them, but I did, just for you!) I write these to Saturn and Venus, because I don’t really have a deity of choice and Stephanie told me they rule over discipline and community (and something else I have forgotten).
Dear Saturn and Venus,
I deeply hate and resent quitting social media
Because I have deep fear that the process of actually leaving will drag on forever.
Because I have deep fear that I will miss out on new connections and opportunities to build community if I go.
Because I have deep fear that people will forget to invite me to events they are sharing on social.
Because I have deep fear that I don’t have the energy to do the work I want to do in order to leave.
Because I have deep fear that I’m actually just lazy and undisciplined.
Because I have deep fear that other platforms won’t be any better.
Because I have deep fear that we are fucked, the internet is fucked, and we can’t as a society create anything that’s not deeply harmful, classist, racist, misogynist.
Because I have deep fear that I’m growing too cynical.
Because I have deep fear that I’m living in a capitalist trap/prison.
Because I have deep fear that the type of community I’m dying to create is no longer possible with the limited amount of energy I am able/willing to devote to it.
Because I have deep fear that maybe I’m the problem.
Because I have deep fear that my laziness is to blame.
Because I have deep fear that society’s demands put this kind of success out of reach.
Because I have deep fear that my cynicism will cause me to stumble.
Because I have deep fear that even if I do get out, it won’t fix anything like my feelings of restlessness, like the feeling that there’s never enough time.
Because I have deep fear that I’m barking up the wrong tree and it will cost me something (well a lot) to go down this path.
Because I have deep fear that I’m totally right about all this, but the people I love won’t jump ship too, so I am alone in it.
Because I have deep fear that I am unwilling to stand that far out of mainstream.
Because I have deep fear that I will disappoint myself if I fail.
Because I have deep fear that I will succeed and it will mean nothing.
Dear Saturn and Venus, please remove these deepest fears. I pray for the knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry it out.
I am excited to tell you that it is working. I feel so ready and I am wrapping up my engagement in those spaces! My friend helped me realize that I can just disable my account for now and take my time downloading pictures or anything later. I don’t have to totally delete to make this sustainable, so that is my *new and improved* plan.I would love to hear your thoughts, reactions, and (hopefully - if you join me) results from this approach.
Out here on the patio, it has quieted and cooled a little. The breeze has picked up. I just looked up and the moon is full, which feels symbolic in a way I don’t fully understand yet. I am light and giddy. Thank you for joining me. I’m off to grab my ukulele to send my own sounds out into the night.
https://www.verywellmind.com/best-ways-to-quit-smoking-5080577#:~:text=The%20Cognitive%20Behavioral%20Quitting%20(CBQ,changing%20how%20they%20view%20smoking.
http://carolyngraceelliott.com/essays/deepest-fear-inventory