Today I had a new first…my first free day without social media! When I say “free day”, I mean a day with no obligations for child care or housework. My partner and I did a trade-off this weekend. I took our two children all day Saturday so he could do whatever he felt like, and in return I got today. He even took the kids out to our community garden before and after naps so I could have free reign of the house (Yesterday I drove them an hour and a half away to my mom’s for a little day trip, so it was a nice consideration to return the favor as best he could).
I have tried to plan free days for myself every now and then, where I will take a vacation day to just do my own thing, but it seems like more often than not, a kid gets sick or something else comes up. I sometimes feel like I can never get a moment to myself, save maybe an hour in the evening when I am too worn out to do much. On the rare days that I do get a day to myself, there’s this phenomenon where I have so many things I want to do that I get stuck and end up just wasting time on my phone, mindlessly scrolling or arguing with some troll.
But today was different. I sat in bed with my coffee and a book (Essential Labor by Angela Garbes). I texted a friend for an impromptu brunch (Raduno) and visit to the farmer’s market. I threw in a load of laundry and cut some quilt squares in complete silence for some time, and then turned a podcast on and cut some more. And then I let another episode play while I reclined in bed, letting my body rest and not craning at a screen!
In so many moments when my former self would have gotten sucked into the anti-social media abyss, I have had nothing to suck me in. I will sometimes pick up my phone impulsively, only to unlock it and realize there is nowhere to go so I should do something else. Little piles around my house that have gone overlooked for months are suddenly organized or put away. My sewing room has a visible, vacuumed floor (!!!). Tonight I sat in my living room and just looked around in a way that I don’t often do. I am enjoying a subtle new sense of presence.
Yesterday at my mom’s house, we swam, played with the kids, and enjoyed some favorite foods together. I took a few photos that won’t get shared online, which is a habit I have been enjoying for awhile. I was still sharing some pics before I quit, but not very often. For the most part, I tried to keep most of my social life between my friends and I. Something about the need to show the world that I do interesting things and have real-life friends seems strange. I wouldn’t text these hundreds of people this picture, so why would I broadcast it on social? I also don’t really love seeing everyone else post all their social outings, especially at times that I feel disconnected from the world (which can happen easily as a parent who works from home).
I kind of love the feeling that the hundreds of people who recently had access to details of my life no longer do. I hope some will reach out one-on-one to keep a direct connection. Doesn’t it seem nice to send pics of your kids or your vacation directly to the people who love you the most, rather than posting them online for the masses and hoping the algorithm catches the right folks? Now I get to simply deepen the connections with the ones who matter most. The rest can ask if they spot me out in the wild.