For the time being, I am using this newsletter to document my exodus from the Meta social media platforms. I see this as the biggest move I can currently make to fight the grasp of capitalism in my personal life. I definitely hope to write about other community and capitalism-related topics in future months, but until I have completed this untangling process, it is what you will find detailed here.
One evening, in an act of absurd and brilliant impulse, defiance, and curiosity…
I turned off my phone. I wasn’t camping or taking a tech cleanse or anything so it felt particularly out of left field. (I was a little “under the influence” — wink.)
Absurd, because — why is this such a big deal?
Brilliant, because — well, it felt kind of revolutionary (I laugh typing this, but it did!).
And because it seemed so strange that this was a *thing* that would feel like *a thing*, I noticed this process happening and decided to journal about it. That first entry led to a whole series of entries! It opened a Pandora’s box of unpacking this complex relationship with tech.
So today, I invite you to witness my stream of consciousness, uncensored thoughts from June 11, 2022.
My feelings when I turned off my phone like 15 minutes ago:
At first, I was shocked that I even thought about [turning it off], because that’s how normal it is to have it on, always
I felt a little creeped out at the thought of having it off, like I was unsafe in a way (I think this was due to the feeling of disconnection)
THEN, I felt a little creeped out at being creeped out! Because I’m also constantly submitting myself to any potential surveillance…I never thought I’d be talking about big brother…but here I am!
Then, I felt free, like I could breathe a bit more. Then I felt a little anxious, like what If someone needed me.
Ultimately, I thought about having this conversation with a person…(the impulse to reach out to someone, but my phone was off)
I think this part is interesting, because I completely pivot from observing my thoughts/feelings, to processing parts of my relationship with tech and social media:
Are my dynamics in Buy Nothing healthy for me? (There is a lot that goes unwritten here, but in short it has to do with the power dynamics I hold in our local buy nothing group that I am really uncomfortable with but don’t have a great way to change without new admins, which I have been trying so hard to recruit/train! I would share more about this if anyone is curious, just remind me.)
Maybe too much extra
I think there is an impulse to share all my thoughts online. But what if the impulse is really just to write my thoughts out. What if I was misinterpreting it? I am drowned out by the buzz of technology.
Because the truth that I want to remember and teach my children is that technology can steal hours of your time while claiming to be helpful. And it straight up gets us every time. But I could be resting or reading and feel so much better [than I do after scrolling].
The only caveat to this is connection. But its a fine and dangerous line when you use the device that sucks your free time and mental energy…as your mode of connection. Does one use a boundary or rule — to only use tech as a means of connection? No. It’s like conscious eating. You listen to your body. Are your shoulders tight? Does your mind keep going back to it? Is it giving more to your life than it takes?
I think the answer is to disengage from social media and keep the individual contacts. Anyone important [to me] can be reached on the phone. I might even think about the folks whose company I will miss.
Ugh. The gross thing is how much I now rely on social as a venue for communication to even exit it. It really feels like a trap. Before cell phones, we had the always reliable phone book (wink). But really, we memorized numbers (and wrote them down).
It is a major tradeoff. We can be more connected globally, but less so within our families and close circles. So much of “the hustle” is learning to cater to an online world, rather than a more in-person world. But the online world also helps us to find people like us more often.
This part I wrote specifically to ask others, so I am putting into a poll:
I’m also curious how people feel when they think about turning off their phones on any given evening and simply living disconnected for an hour or two. For a moment, just consider that you are doing this tonight. What thoughts or feelings arise as you think about it? Do you immediately shut down the idea (maybe with a reason why you need to be reachable) or does it seem like a possibility? Is it no big deal to consider or does it come with feelings of unease?
I hope you will consider these relationships. The more I feel like I can’t do without this machine, the more uneasy I feel about it. I leave you with the last note I wrote about how I was feeling about tech that night (and specifically social media):
It feels connected to power and evil in a scary, scary way. Like all the ads and noise and capitalism feel so powerful and so harmful. Our phones are becoming very strong links and cogs and fuel for a machine that is literally melting our planet.
I've done social media fasts several times and always feel better yet always return. I'm grateful for this conversation and the opportunities to dive deeper into what is really going on within our society as well as within ourselves.