I am totally in the throes of the final month (hopefully) of historic home renovation, but I have wanted to write this post for almost a year (since last Christmas). I couldn’t let the holidays pass me by without asking you to consider prioritizing community and connection over capitalism and stuff this holiday season. So here I am, at 11:15 p.m., after a full day of work and a night of parenting, followed by painting a vanity! I may be about to pass out, but come hell or high water, I am going to give you my thoughts.
Christmas is such a strange and wonderful time. The magic of twinkling lights, gatherings after dark, and holding loved ones dear gets overshadowed with the stress of trying to see every person we love and finding the perfect gifts year after year, along with making sure our kids get enough stuff to feel properly loved and impressing internet-land with something…maybe our tree? our decorating skills? our vast networks of friends— as demonstrated by all the social outings we document?
What if we put one thing above all this season: community. Here’s a quick guide to thinking a little different about this year’s holiday season.
Ask yourself: what would it look like for me to prioritize community this year?
This might seem too simple, but asking this question can reveal what barriers stand in the way. Your barriers could be anything from work to a sense of competition with your siblings to pleasing your parents, or something else. For me, it is definitely this goddamn house project. to prioritize community, I will commit to taking breaks to see people, rather than giving into the temptation to work through the holidays. I will also somehow get christmas letters out to our networks, because I really really want them to know we are still here, despite our general absence from so much of our usual lives (again, thanks house project).
Consider gifts of self rather than physical objects. Take this one even further and ask: what can you offer that would foster connection? We ALL have something to offer. Are you an artist? offer an art lesson! An attorney? A consultation! An IT person? computer maintenance! A handy-person? labor! Giving of ourselves is SO special! this may feel unconventional and a little uncomfortable, but you might be surprised at the connection it fosters and the shifts it can create.
If you must give a physical gift, consider something homemade. You don’t have to be an artist for this! My partner and I have gifted candied pecans and cheese straws (his grandmother’s recipe, so it had sentimental value too!). One year, I made my siblings and parents potholders from the worn out beach towel I had stolen from the house 20 years before (the towel was the stuffing so they were still cute)! I have always wanted to make homemade vanilla extract and tea blends, so hopefully those will happen one day.
If you must BUY a gift, consider something secondhand. Shopping secondhand offers the possibility of unique and unexpected gifts! Places to find secondhand gifts and what you might look for:
thrift stores- funny coffee mugs, unexpected decor (i recently found original oil paintings of gallery quality!), nostalgic tshirts, toys, ties, handbags…so many possibilities!
estate sales- jewelry, collectibles, vintage clothing, quilts, decorative pots (gift it with a plant!), hats, tools
Ebay- your family member’s favorite collectors item, records, antiques, anything you can think of, but don’t fall for retail items that fell off an amazon truck!
Facebook marketplace- name brands, nice clothes, trinkets, toys
Avoid plastic when possible and any items that are just going in the landfill by next Christmas. It is SO easy to get sucked into buying the cheesy light-up items that will entertain the kids, but the truth is that the kids will play with costco boxes and tulle bows despite having a brand new pile of toys.
Keeping the holidays simple will help you to focus on what really matters: community! I am off to sleep now. Thanks for reading!